{"id":734,"date":"2021-02-06T20:06:23","date_gmt":"2021-02-07T03:06:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jcmckenna.com\/?p=734"},"modified":"2021-02-20T17:32:55","modified_gmt":"2021-02-21T00:32:55","slug":"random-story-we-can-eat-any-billy-goat-for-29-99","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?p=734","title":{"rendered":"Random Story: We Can Eat Any Billy Goat for $29.99*<\/i>"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/a>
tall building, scales, bridge<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Last week’s story ran a little long. This week, we’re going quick and dirty<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We Can Eat Any Billy Goat for $29.99*
(*terms and conditions may apply)<\/em><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

TO: All Cabraphage Corp., LLC Bridge Staff – All Regions<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FROM: Chorck Gravelpounder, VP for Overpass Traversal<\/p>\n\n\n\n

RE: New Updates to Goat Consumption Policies and Procedures<\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________________________________<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response to last week\u2019s severe product loss, and the resulting untimely death of Senior Bridge Troll Horkin Onyxchunk, the board of directors has released the following policy revisions to go into effect immediately:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Goats shall no longer be devoured according to weight and\/or volume. Starting with the 2nd shift today, Cabraphage will be operating on a strict quota system.
    1. Senior and Regional Managers are now instructed to shred remaining ARZ-248 (Weight Consumed)<\/em> forms. New forms labeled ARZ-248-1-b (Goats Consumed)<\/em> will be transmitted to home offices by the close of business today.<\/li><\/ol><\/li>
    2. New pay incentives for consumption quotas are now authorized. Regional Managers may set appropriate levels.<\/li>
    3. Verbal exchange with product is now strictly prohibited<\/em>.
      1. This does mean the end to the \u201cAnswer My Riddle for a Free Pass\u201d promotion many of our bridge franchises were using for marketing. Unfortunately, the risks have proven too high. In addition, upper management believes that \u201cGuess what\u2019s in my nose\u201d is neither a true riddle, nor reflective of the professional demeanor we at Cabraphage wish to project.<\/li><\/ol><\/li>
      2. As always, if questions arise, remember that Policy #1 supersedes all: When in doubt, devour it.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

        ADDENDUM: A memorial service and luau for Mr. Onyxchunk will be held at the close of first shift on Friday. All staff is invited. In lieu of flowers, the family asked that you make a donation to the Society for the Promotion of Cruelty to Animals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \n\n\n\n

        Back on Monday for a new roll of the story dice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        tall building, scales, bridge Last week’s story ran a little long. This week, we’re going quick and dirty We Can Eat Any Billy Goat for $29.99*(*terms and conditions may apply) TO: All Cabraphage Corp., LLC Bridge Staff – All Regions FROM: Chorck Gravelpounder, VP for Overpass Traversal RE: New Updates to Goat Consumption Policies and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":728,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[34,49],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-734","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-random-stories"],"acf":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2rDfa-bQ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1060,"url":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?p=1060","url_meta":{"origin":734,"position":0},"title":"The Author Pokes His Head Out of the Bunker for Fresh Air and Some Updates","author":"admin","date":"August 30, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"It's been a hot minute since I've posted ... well, anything up on this here site. I spent June and a good hunk of July taking a very long and satisfying nap. Since then, I've been spending my writing time on the sequel to SERAPH. The working title is TRAGODOI,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?cat=34"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/bunker-2359436_1280.jpg?fit=1200%2C794&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/bunker-2359436_1280.jpg?fit=1200%2C794&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/bunker-2359436_1280.jpg?fit=1200%2C794&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/bunker-2359436_1280.jpg?fit=1200%2C794&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/bunker-2359436_1280.jpg?fit=1200%2C794&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":742,"url":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?p=742","url_meta":{"origin":734,"position":1},"title":"Monday Random Story Prompt","author":"admin","date":"February 8, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"parachute, shooting star, bee Today's random story roll. Back this weekend with a brand new short.","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?cat=34"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cube-1655118_640.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cube-1655118_640.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cube-1655118_640.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":969,"url":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?p=969","url_meta":{"origin":734,"position":2},"title":"It’s a Monday Random Story Roll (on a Wednesday)!","author":"admin","date":"March 17, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Got a little distracted with book birthday tasks this week. But, by Thoth, we're doing a random story this week! Let's see what the dice have in store: some sorta license\/ID thing?, a keyhole, a magic wand Well, that first die is up for some interpretation. Driver's license? Business card?\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?cat=34"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cube-1655118_640.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cube-1655118_640.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cube-1655118_640.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1177,"url":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?p=1177","url_meta":{"origin":734,"position":3},"title":"Random Story Roll","author":"admin","date":"February 8, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Somehow a year went by since my last random story. Let's give the dice a roll and see what they have to offer. cell phone, magic wand, ID? (envelope?) OOOOH, ambiguity. What's that one on the right? Guess I'll have to sit in the mystery for a bit. New short,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?cat=34"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cube-1655118_640.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cube-1655118_640.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cube-1655118_640.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":727,"url":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?p=727","url_meta":{"origin":734,"position":4},"title":"Story Roll #3","author":"admin","date":"February 2, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Building, Scales, Bridge","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?cat=34"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cube-1655118_640.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cube-1655118_640.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/cube-1655118_640.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":688,"url":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?p=688","url_meta":{"origin":734,"position":5},"title":"Random Stories","author":"admin","date":"January 18, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Rory's Story Cubes Several years ago, my wife gifted me these lovely story dice in my Christmas stocking. For a visual thinker like me, they're great tools for busting through writer's block and story ruts. This year, after a pandemic-induced creativity slump in high gear for far too many months,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/?cat=34"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/story-cubes-scaled.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/story-cubes-scaled.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/story-cubes-scaled.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/story-cubes-scaled.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jcmckenna.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/IMG_0251-scaled.jpg?fit=2560%2C1920&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/734","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=734"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/734\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":802,"href":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/734\/revisions\/802"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/728"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=734"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=734"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jcmckenna.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=734"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}